I think this is the hardest part. I really want to write the third part but this comes first. And I don’t think that I am able to resolve much. My mind likes to ‘have it done.’ I think I have somewhat trained myself that way because I will forget I was doing something and come back a considerable time later and it’s not done. But this continues to float around in the undone section of my brain.
One evening my DH and I were taking about this and how friendships happen and disso!ve. We think they usually spring up from something in common. You know what these things are without my listing all of them. One of my dearest friends I grew up with. Now we both live in the same state a thousand miles from where we grew up and it is a a gift. Years ago we had neighbors with kids the same ages. They were happy times. And the dad played the cello and I played the piano. More happy times. ☺ We lived and worked at a boarding school for five years and strong friendships were forged,, but that was intentional. I saw then that our work could be all we were about and you need friendship beyond work. I know that if I ran into any of these people on the planet Earth we would be thrilled to see each other and do all the catching up we could do with the amount of time we had.
But I am here, living in the same place for 10 years , the same area for 24, and it seems I have to work hard to find someone to have lunch with or coffee. It seems I am always the initiator. Before I whine too much, I want tell a story. When our inner city church closed at the end of last year, several people went to another church in the same denomination on the edge of the city. We hadn’t been there in a long time and I suggested we visit, since there were people we knew. And, I added, I wanted someone to spontaneously invite us over for dinner. About 5 Sundays in, a young woman I introduced myself to after church said, “Would you like to come over for dinner?” The magic words! I said “Yes! ”
So here is my gripe. When I have made blanket invitations on Facebook for lunch at a public garden or tea by my fireside, I can think of about 5 people who have actually come and only 3 of them came out of response to that invitation. I even went through my contacts and made sure that I contacted people who aren’t on FB or aren’t on often enough to catch something like that regularly. I even added that if it was a bad time I can make different arrangements. I can only say that in this period of isolation, this has been discouraging and demoralizing.
The more I thought about it, the times I have been a bad friend have popped into my mind and I am not going into a full blown confessional here, just saying there are some I have let slide , some unwittingly and some I was aware but just let it slide. Sometimes we’re just tired. We aren’t getting younger…or even staying the same. It has been a catalyst for re-thinking friendship. How do I show friendship when I am aging? It was all well and good when I was young to be spontaneous, and I don’t want to lose that, but I can feel it is rather tempered! I have cooked for 50-100 people often, and now I tell myself 6-8 would be nice! And how do I think past the torn out kitchen and general weariness? Well, that is the stuff of another blog. I really wanted to write that blog before this one, but it would be leaving something out of the story…..
See you soon!